My Why

Last week at Kickback Monday we had a really great discussion about what it means to have courage and  why it is important.


We defined courage as being willing to put our vulnerability on the line.


One of the things we talked about was expectations that we function under that hinder our ability to be vulnerable with others. There are times where we live and function in an façade because others see us as being a certain person who acts a certain way and doesn’t do this or is the sheer pinnacle representation of that.


So we hide our flaws. And  in an attempt to be what others want or perceive us to be, we begin to loose our true selves and we stray away from honesty with others and even many times with ourselves. 




Always striving for something 


Whether it be approval from others, more money, more notoriety…there always seams to be more. More the world can provide us to strive for, to keep us moving  towards a "happiness" that can lead further away from God and further away from happiness and peace.


I was always one of the smartest kids in my class and everyone knew it. At first I liked it. I like being the person everyone went to. Then I saw myself struggling to understand concepts and moving further down in the pack of smart people in the class. Yet no one else seamed to notice. I was still the smart one and one of the kids that everyone got so excited when they got a better score on a test than me. Being top of my class mattered so much to me. Why? Because it's how people noticed me and if people no longer noticed me than I was nothing. I needed to be seen. Not necessarily seen on a pedestal but I never wanted to be obscure. The world (my world) was gonna know my name. And even still to this day sometimes I feel that way (having a record on the wall at my high school is still a huge deal to me). 


But if there was ever a cure for a need to be seen, it's college!! The place where big fish get thrown out into the ocean of thousands of other high school "big fish." And I learned very quickly how to "play the background" and be ok in that position. Because my position no longer was my purpose. My position became my focus but no longer was it for me to get recognition, it was to bring fame to God's name. To do my absolute best in the position I was given because every position you are in, no matter how high or low, it is a platform! 


When God is our goal… when having a honest relationship with the most high is the thing we strive for, it also becomes our greatest reward. He is our reason. He is our purpose. And there is nothing greater or more rewarding.


And I choose to believe that everyday! He is my why. 


Sometimes I still strive to be seen cause I'm not perfect and sometimes I fall. I don’t always make wise decisions and many times actively unwisely choose my words. But God is constantly working on me and showing me that the little things, the smaller platforms, matter just as much as the bigger ones and still make an impact in His Kingdom as well. And that is my greatest reward!


Last week this video was posted by 2008 Olympic Gymnast Shawn Johnson. It really moved me with the level of vulnerability she displays in the video. All the expectations people placed on her and even winning medals meant very little. She learned to find her purpose in Christ and it changed everything.